Sometimes parents overlook how important they are to their college children. Knowing that home is solidly there in the background contributes importantly to students' ability to adjust to and engage in this challenging new place. They need to know you are there, and you should know that you are still very much the audience for your children’s lives. In addition, students have firm ideas about what their parents expect and how they will react if those expectations are not met. Sometimes their ideas are well-founded; often they are more the students’ own projections. Whatever the case, when students find themselves interested in a subject or committed to a life-style they think their parents will not value or when they find themselves in trouble, they often resist telling their parents. They fear your disappointment and imagine the worst.
We know from experience as both parents and advisors that parents often do want their children to pursue certain curricula or careers; and, of course, we all hope our children will share our values and life-styles. But we so desire and hope because we see those curricula or careers as paths to independent success and see our values and life-styles as paths to happiness. Further, parents are almost always their children’s most astute and honest critics. Nonetheless, faced with a child’s unhappiness in the curriculum or career they hoped he or she would pursue, parents are usually much more flexible than their children expect. And faced with serious emotional or academic difficulty, parents almost always rush to provide sensible and loving help. We just wish students believed that. We hope you will tell your student earnestly and frequently that you are proud of her no matter what and that you are there to help him if things go wrong.